Rip's Ramble
Life In The Eyes Of...
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Wednesday, December 31, 2003
So here we are...
New Years Eve, 2003. A time for reflection? To cast minds back on the year gone by?
I've had my share of ups and downs like all people, thankfully more ups :) As pensive a person as I think I am, I don't tend to dwell on the past too much, prefering to think about the present and take each day as it comes and becomes what was the future.
I did go through a bit of a low spell in the month leading up to Christmas, I made a wish to myself and it actually came true. I pray now that the happiness that has replaced the sadness keeps going and grows.
As I sit here typing while my boy sleeps snugly in his bed, and the big hand ticks it's way up to the top, I'll raise my glass to all my friends near and far and say "Happy New Year" Today is our future, let it bring us all the good that we deserve and when times are down know that there are others who think about us and care for us.
I thank you all who have opened this page to read my ramblings over the past year and a bit. I'll still be reading and comenting on other Blogs and trying to find the hours in the day to put myself about ;)
On reflection, there are few things that I would change about the past year if I was to ever discover a time machine. I'm grateful for my life and all that it has brought me and I hope that I do justice to the gift that I have been honoured with.
As the New Year beckons, the curtain is falling on this Blog. Goodnight to y'all, my love and best wishes for peace and and much happiness in the future :)
*End*
Sunday, December 28, 2003
Not Enough Hours In The Day, Nor Days In The Week:
One of the good things about Christmas is having a few days off. Once the panicing (or not :Þ) is over there is occasionally the time to actually do things for yourself, things that you often can not seem to find the time for at other times. Have you ever promised to stay in touch only to later realise that days or weeks have passed and "you've been busy"? This is one of my many and biggest faults, I'm always saying "Let's have that drink soon", "I'll phone you soon"... you get the drift.
Sometimes "Soon" means later, and I've already written about how I don't like the word "later".
So I like the fact that I have a few days without work to mess around the house, have the time to keep on top of the tidying up and yes, even pop out to catch up with friends.
Friday, December 26, 2003
The Gift Of Life (Part 2)
I drove into town at noon on Christmas Eve with half a dozen people to buy for and parked up at one end of the main shopping street. Meandering between the shops taking in the atmosphere was plesent, bumping into a few friends for quick words (including Ariel and Bozz) nicely broke up the afternoon. I saw a few more in the crowds too far away to call out to who still received best wishes under my breath. One person that I did stop and speak to, and I'm glad I did, was the boyfriend of my former next door neighbour.
On a visit to the swimming pool a few months back Junior and I bumped into our former neighbour and after about 2 minutes of plesantries I realised that there was something different about her. She was 7 and a half months pregnant. It was a couple of months later that I saw her son playing outside with some of his nearby friends and I asked if he had a little brother or sister yet. He said yes, a baby girl, but then with a slight vagueness, or uncertainty of how to continue, went on to say that all wasn't quite right and they were still in hospital.
It was another few weeks later that Junior went for the insertion of grommets and across the open area from the ward was a side room and sitting there was my former neighbour, laying back on her raised lap was her new daughter with pipes and wires running off to a machine by their sides. We greeted as I walked into the room and was told about the problems that this child was going through and how they hadn't been home as complications became apparent very soon in the baby's life. For some reason, the acids from her stomach weren't sitting as they should and she was suffering with a permanent form of heartburn. Not one like we adults get now and again that causes discomfort, hers was causing severe and acute pain and was deemed life threatening. They were due to fly across to Alder Hey Hospital the next day in preperation for an operation. The machines that monitored her condition reported that she had been suffering many tens of attacks in an hour and they were causing sleeping and breathing problems.
While I was in the room, the baby appeared fairly settled, her silence only broken by the bleeps of a machine that was working for her benefit. One aspect of life that I in awe of, is that considering the number of aspects involved in conception, development and the eventual birth healthy babies should really be in the minority, but they are not. The miracle of creation and birth ensures that they are in the majority. When there is an exception, you pray that whatever problems that exist are quickly discovered, diagnosed and dealt with successfully.
When Junior arrived in the world, he was born jaundiced. A lot of babies develop mild Jaundice within five days of birth as their bodies and organs become used to working for themselves independant of their mother's bodies. Often it clears by itself after a day or two once feeding patterns etc are established. Because he was born Jaundiced, Junior required what is commonly known as phototherapy (or Bright Light Therapy), where they are laid under a bright light that stimulated the cells just under the skin to start breaking down the cells to help the liver. At the same time, there were occasions where he showed no interest in being breastfed. The feeding would have helped the jaundice clear, luckily, he did have a liking for bottled milk, although botttled didn't have his mother's antibodies etc.
All we wanted to do was to hold and cuddle our baby, all the time. Due to his need to be under the light and his reluctance to feed naturally, close lingering cuddles were at a premium. I wonder to this day how a new born baby who up until now has had a reasuring heartbeat and the warmth of the womb reacts to being layed in a cot for hours at a time...
His treatment lasted 3 days compared to the usual one or two days, then there were further blood tests by his Health Visitor when he was eventually allowed home. At the time, there were few worries fron us, his parents. We knew that it was more of a minor hiccup and despite the original assurance that he would soon be out of the light, yet still there on day 3, we knew it would soon be over and we'd soon be looking forward to going home and getting on with our new life.
Standing in the hospital listening to my former neighbour, I already knew that we had had a pretty easy time with Junior, and I was amazed by her grasp of reality of her situation and her calm as she stroked her helpless baby's cheek. She was scared for her baby, yet maintained an air of taking each day as it came while hoping that all would be ok soon.
That was more or less the last I heard about them until Christmas Eve. There I was meandering and there walking towards me was the baby's father. Our eyes met as we came closer and for a moment I wondered how to word my greeting and enquiry after the child. Thankfully, his eyes lit up as I asked. The treatment had been sucessful. There is only so much that can be said in the middle of a busy street, but I came away with a slight glow knowing that mother and baby were home, doing well and they could all now look forward to Christmas and life together as a family.
I wish them all continued happiness for the future.
Some people have commented about how well Junior's mother and I remain adult like in our approach to raising him despite living seperate lives. When it was obvious that things weren't going as smoothly as they should for a couple we had exchanges of words as many couples do, one thing however that was never in question, was that we would NEVER allow our own differences come in the way of the way that Junior would be brought up. He will always come first. His emotional and physical development is the most important thing in both our lives. We have never sought to organise access rights or other obstacles that some parents insist on putting in the way. We both love him and would both happily be permanent parents. This has meant that he always knows that we love him, he doesn't have to wait for a specific day every week to one parent or the other, we both have our own lives, yet maintain a loving family. It would tear me apart inside if I didn't have the ammount of cantact with him and I know that it would do the same to his mum. That combined with Junior's need to have 2 loving parents above all else will ensure that despite seperated parents, he doesn't ever have to worry about how much he means to us.
Please don't get me wrong on access etc. there are times when a parent requires official knowledge that they will keep their contact. More important to me is that a child is allowed to love both parents. I hate the intent of any parent to run down the other to the child or to take more interest in the ex's current life than in the child's day. It's a complicated subject, relationships and I sure as heck cannot condone or judge. I can only see the child as the primary importence.
Footnote:
There are times when something happens that drives home the thought about how precious life is.
Seeing my friend in the street triggered off the first part of this post. I believe that I rarely switch off my "daddy" mode as it is pretty much the way that I have chosen to live my life. Even when times are going well, I try to make sure that nothing I do now will be depremental in the future days, weeks and even years. Despite my attempts to be constantly aware, I still have "moments of realisation"
My assertion of my personal beliefs about raising Junior in the second part was actually triggered some months ago, but didn't make it onto the Blog at the time, so I thought now was as good a time as any to throw it in.
The event? Walking past a childcare centre and hearing a child cry. A father was walking past as the mother was leading the child to the door. I have no idea if they were a current or former couple, what I am aware of is that the mother shouting "See what f**king happens when you are near? I don't know why you don't just f**k off and leave us alone". The child was trying to pull away from mum and shouting "Daddy" between the screams. The dad was walking as he grunted something back at her. She disappeared with the child through the door, he walked off around the corner.
Make of that scene what you will. All I could think was what sort of life they were showing and giving that child, what were they teaching him about responsibility and family love...
I don't ever want my child to experience that. Our children didn't ask to be born, we adults (in most instances) make that choice for them. We then have to show and take responsibility for our actions for as long as we walk on this earth. Life is a miracle, it should never be taken for granted.
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
The Gift of Life (Part 1)
Christmas... Rushing round the shops, panicing about the bank balance, carrier bags digging into your palms, feeling faint as you move from hot shop to cold street to hot shop, crowds pushing and shoving, endless queues, worrying that the gifts will be appriciated, wondering if you'll through the next 48 hours with your sanity intact, no wonder some say it is one of the most stressful days of the year.
STOP!! Take 5 minutes to take a look around you. What are we doing it for? I refuse to allow myself to caught up in the hype, the commercialism all the bolt on extras that line pockets, that make somebody else smile from my misery. I'm not a practicing Christian (although I was brought up in a church attending enviroment) and whether you or I believe that 2000 years ago a child was born in humble surroundings, we still give gifts to others on the day that is universally recognised on the aniversary of His birth.
Even if you deride the story as a fairy tale, most fairy tales are stories that offer information to learn from.
When the child was born, he wasn't wrapped up in silk or satin, he wasn't surrounded by luxury items and waited on by his families servants. His father was a carpenter, a manuel labourer. His first visitors came from nearby fields and once the 3 "wise" men had rerouted from their erronous assumption that he born in the nearby palace, I wonder what they made of his surroundings when they presented their gifts.
In the 21st Centuary we are told by others that the way to show love for others is to go out and lavish expensive gifts on each other. Not just the advertisers, but those who chose to spread guilt to others about the "better" items that they will be delivering. Doesn't make Christmas sound like a celebration of life does it?
As far as I am concerned, every day is Christmas Day. I try and share my love for life with those around me. I try and offer myself as a gift, one that my friends don't need to say thankyou for, similar to the gift that I take from them everytime we meet or simply think about eachother.
On December the 25th, Junior will be unwrapping plenty of presents, each one that has cost money, in time they will be faded, broken, discarded... but underlying those gifts will be my love for him, something that will be there the day, the week and for years afterwards.
Love is eternal, it is free, it is underappriciated. Take 5 minutes from all the running around, the short tempers, the panicing about the turkey and try and put a price on the love that you have for your friends and your family and they for you.
Merry Christmas to you all with my love for now and always.
